Where’s the Passion?

Ahhh, the den of disappointment…

The great thing about roller derby is the fierce fervor. I could do without the accompanying drama that seems to snag my metaphorical (and actual) fishnets, but… there is something admirable about putting yourself in the line of fire – physically and emotionally.

All weekend in Philly, I keep thinking about F.X. Toole. He wrote, “Rope Burns,” a collection of short stories about boxing that was turned into “Million Dollar Baby.” He was in his sixties before he got his first short story published. An agent read it in a small literary magazine and contacted him, only to discover that Toole had a stash of short stories in a shoebox. Got them published… movie made…. and the rest is history. And then he died.

I carry my journal around with me. It’s not a typical journal with my thoughts, hopes & dreams written down in it. It’s filled with other people's poems, quotes, philosophies and ideas. That way, I know if I am stuck somewhere that I will always have something to read that I like. But, I also believe it is pretty telling what people read and covet, so in that sense, it’s fairly personal and revealing.

Here’s the Toole quote that has been drifting into my head.

“About the only thing I haven’t done in boxing is make money. It’s the same for most fight guys. But that hasn’t stopped me any more than not making money in writing has. Both are something you just do, and you feel grateful for being able to do them, even if both keep you broke, drive you crazy, and make you sick. Rational people don’t think like that. But they don’t have in their lives what I have in mine. Magic. The magic of going to wars I believe in. And the magic of boxing humor is the joke is almost always on the teller, that marches with you every step of the way.”

With snowstorms, delayed flights, cancelled flights, car crashes, taxi crashes, car-rental scrambles, lost luggage, still… derby skates on. And always, it’s that razor line between stupidity and heart. I have to vote for the heart. It would just be nice, that kind of public declaration, if more people adopted that kind of ideology - The willingness to lay bare for the worst kind of ass-kicking to achieve the best kind of satisfaction. In life. In work. In love.

A large life is not for the timid.