JAPAN 101













TO: Kanazawa, Japan - medieval castle town located on the Sea of Japan. Nicknamed “Little Kyoto,” it is considered a cultural center, famous for its ceramics, silk paintings and gold leaf. One of the few cities not bombed during World War Two, it has one of the top three traditional Japanese gardens. It is also home to one of the last fully-restored Samaria districts and one of the last Geisha-in-training districts.




FROM: New Orleans, LA

WHO: Staying with my good friends, Colleen and Neil. I first met Colleen on a trip to Wales, eighteen years ago. Despite my predilection to shave things in my head, drink five screwdrivers at a time and blindly walk into situations without thought or consequence, we became friends. Colleen is a competitive hula dancer, photographer and works for the government at the convention center. Her photos and articles have appeared all over Europe and Japan. Neil, a tri-athlete and an English Teacher, owns his own English school. The other cast of characters include: Charlie, a 14 year old Bishon Frise. He is the crotchety old man of the group, the ji-sama (grandfather). The extent of his unique and funky scent is only matched by the enormity of his heart. Alfie is a longhaired dachshund. Despite being a native to Japan, he is considered “The kissing bandit” or “The Latin Lover” He has a herniated disk, which makes it difficult for him to walk on his back legs. He maneuvers by nobly pulling himself around. Of course, his spirit and resolve are what naturally drew me to him. He loves nothing more than to be cradled and have his stomach rubbed. Jet is a three-year old black lab who exists solely to seek out and spread joy. My possessions are a never-ending sense of fascination and exploration for her and frequently end up in odd spots with large quantizes of drool on them. Can’t decipher any specific personality traits of Fred & Andy, the goldfish, but if I do, I will immediately post them.



WHERE: At the top of an extremely windy, windy, windy hill with abnormally narrow roads. The highest spot in Kanazawa. One of the city’s defensives to foil and confuse their enemies in the 1500s was their windy roads. And it still foils and confuses people to this day. Since the city wasn’t touched during the war, the original streets are still in tact. So there is no direct route into town and no street names. Fun! I thought NOLA drivers were bad. The only thing that distinguishes NOLA drivers from Japanese drivers, is Japanese drivers will smile and nod when cutting you off or barreling full speed down a road the size of a McDonalds drive-thru. So, yes, this is one of the few places on earth where drivers don’t threaten to shoot me (and this happens more than most people can imagine). To get your license here, everyone has to be 18 AND go to driving school, which costs between $1500 and $2000 (USD) but you wouldn’t know it. Every time I make it to and from somewhere in a car I consider it something sacred to be marveled.









The room I am staying in is a traditional Japanese-style room. I sleep on a futon and the room has sliding doors with paper-covered wooden frames (shoji). It has a wooden paneled ceiling. My room also holds Colleen’s mask collection from around the world (so I feel like I am either be looked out for, or looked over, I haven’t decided yet). Also predominantly placed is her gorgeous wedding kimono.



THE VIEW FROM MY ROOM



The house, like almost all of the houses here, is not insulated. The walls are typically wallpaper on lathe. There is not enough power for a dryer so everyone hangs their clothes outside. The tubs are fabulously deep and short. The shower and tub are separate from the toilet, so they are in different areas of the house. One of the best features (aside from their lovely garden, which I spend many early morning hours by myself sitting in, since there is no daylight savings and it gets light around 5AM) is their toilet seat is heated. I have discovered that this is commonplace in Japan. The “toilet room” has quickly become my favorite place in the whole house. In fact, if it had proper outlets and internet connection, it would probably be where I would be composing this blog right now. While, I can’t imagine the practicality of having one in New Orleans since it would foster a perpetually sweaty ass, I have just accepted that it is a luxury like eating Italian food with chopsticks that I am to enjoy while I am here.


WORDS: These are words I have learnt (learning). I am really focused on the pronunciation, so I carry my own cheat sheet with me with my special phonetic notes. This is crucial since I am barely able to pronounce the English language. I don’t want another episode like the one I had at customs where I kept on insisting to the agent that I was staying in Kwanzaa, the African American Holiday. I finally just wrote down, “The Hilton” and she foolishly let me in the country.

Hello: Konnichiwa
Goodbye: Sayonara
Yes: Hai
No: Iie
Excuse me/I’m sorry: Sumimasen
Please: Kudasai
Thank you: Arigato
More: Motto
Cheers: Kampai
I don’t understand: Watashi wa wakarimasen
I’m a rock star: Watashi wa ro-ku stah desu *I figure this one will be the greatest use to me in sticky situations so I am trying to not only pronounce it correctly, but deliver it with a pompous and ostentatious attitude for the proper effect*

WESTERN OBSERVATIONS:

1. America is really obese. Wow, really obese. They are practical no obese people here. In fact, it has become somewhat of an obsession with me. Almost like the book “Where’s Waldo,” or the out-of-state-license plate game. They are also very petitie and I am enjoying the perks (?) of being an Amazon. Although, I did post this commentary on one of my message boards and someone posted back, “I hate to break this to you, but you’re an Amazon here too,” still… Call it what you like, but despite the fact that I am a 3L here, I still love towering over people.
2. All of the mannequins are petite Westerners.
3. Yes, Hello Kitty is huge here. Grown women wearing Hello Kitty sandals, holding their pants up with Hello Kitty belts, carrying Hello Kitty purses and paying for their purchases out of a Hello Kitty wallets. Entire homes are decorated with the cat who has no distinct personality or even remarkable flaws. If you can imagine it, Hello Kitty is on it.





4. It’s much cleaner here. In fact, it’s spotless. The interesting dichotomy is while their city is immaculate, their public places such as beaches are littered with crap.





A SIGN WHICH BASICALLY SAYS, "KIDS, CLEAN UP YOUR DOG POOP"




5. There are no paper towels in the bathrooms. This cuts down on the litter and is cost effective. While, some bathrooms have amazingly groovy hand dryers, which always thrills me, most lack them. Most people carry around little towels to dry their hands.
6. The automatic sinks actually work. A pet peeves of mine is sinks that try to dictate when I can turn water on and off. There is nothing more annoying than soaping up and walking up and down a line of defective sinks in an attempt to rinse your hands. And there is always the one sink that is gushing boiling water and won’t turn off. But, surprise, the sinks here are utilitarian and stress-free. The phrase Japanese efficiency, well, there you go.
7. There is a lack of garbage cans, which is odd considering my previous observation of the general cleanliness of the city. I have been informed that this is an effect of the sarin gas in the Tokyo subway in 1995. I have taken to carrying my refuge with me.
8. People dress up a lot more. Presentation is everything. It is standard to see women in high heels, short skirts, elaborately made up hair and makeup to go to the grocery store. So, not only am I an Amazon, I am also a slobbish one.
9. The urinals have warnings. And I know this because…. because of the unisex bathrooms. Over the urinals in some of the train stations hangs the sign, “Not for drinking.” Apparently this speaks volumes on the Japanese opinion of the intelligence of English-speaking foreigners (gajin).
10. Japanese love random English words. These are some of the phrases I have seen on children’s items: “Special Animal. My hot mind.” “Dear my friends. Progress. Good Lack.” “Another newly born dream. Simply best move time.” Even with my large glass collection, I couldn't resist purchasing some glasses because they had the phrase on them – “Yes, I am winner. Chance plays a part in deciding the issue of a battle.” Granted, it could be a zen message and I am just missing the deep philosophical meaning. That and the Tupperware I was given, “Happy fruits is very delicious. I will eat this and will become fortunate all together.” Don’t use that phrase, it’s copyrighted by “Lube Sheep.” But, to be fair, we probably have t-shirts in the U.S. that say in Japanese, “Flashlight ice-cream soccer boys.” On a side note, vodka is one of my favorite vices and is not readily available here so I have been enjoying “Fazzy Nevels.”


And finally…

WHY: Why am I here? Because I really needed to.